Many people who face hardships and struggles in life begin to question or even lose faith in their deities, but for me, this is not the case. When I first found myself a home in Judaism, I had a debilitating spinal issue, fairly bad hearing loss, and was/am legally blind, with 15% vision in one eye. I didn’t pray for anything, not healing, not money, not even for strength, I just prayed, and decided to put everything into Hashem’s hands and not worry about anything.

My spinal issue quite literally healed on its own (yes a miracle, no I’m not kidding), I found a company that makes amazing hearing aids and regained my hearing, but just recently I found out my eye issue is degenerative and I will go blind fully. As with everything I am trusting Hashem and putting everything into his hands (Pray like everything is up to Hashem, act as if everything is up to you) and I will get through this as well.

I, for the first time, prayed for something recently, I prayed for the strength and wisdom for myself and my family to get through this news and whatever may come of it. I am stronger in my knowledge of Hashem and closer in my love of Hashem, not because of my condition, but in spite of it. I still wake up thankful for another day of life, glad to live a life of gratitude instead of one of despair, because another day of life isn’t promised to any of us and is a gift that not everyone receives. 

I don’t have blind faith, I have questions, I wrestle with knowing Hashem, but I know that he’s there, and for that, I am eternally grateful. My struggles and setbacks have only strengthened my faith, understanding, and love of Hashem and Judaism in every way imaginable.